Although it has only been a few weeks since my first post, it feels as though a lot has changed since that day. A lot has changed this year actually, more than I could ever have predicted a year ago. But whilst change can be painful and disrupt our cosy routines, change can also bring out the best in us. That has what I've come to realise over the last few months. Yes, change hurts. A lot. But when you realise that perhaps, just maybe that the act of letting go frees you from self-doubt, then change suddenly has an incredibly different perspective.
I can assure you now that self-pity is not the way to deal with change, it just makes you feel worse.. The only way to really deal with change is to find yourself, find your passion and do what makes your soul come alive. For me, that transformation came through by throwing myself into my art. I've always loved art, since my earliest childhood memories. I have heard stories about people who describe making art as their 'salvation', but I've never understood that, until now.
When I got back to varsity at the beginning of the term, I could feel that melancholic weight still on my shoulders, a familiar feeling from many years ago. I didn't know how to get rid of it. I had tried ignoring it, banishing it to the back of my mind, but that never helped, it only seemed to amplify it. When our Fine Arts class started printmaking using monotypes, in the first week I couldn't seem to make a decent print, only serving to increase my unease. Had my luck as an artist run out, already?
On September 24th 2014, or Heritage Day in South Africa, I decided to head back the printmaking studio at the university to at least attempt another decent print. I was feeling incredibly defeated, for the first time in my life as an artist. I was almost sure I wouldn't be able to make another print. I decided to try an alternative technique which I improvised on the day using masking tape as a template. I had no idea whether it would work, I just knew that it couldn't get any worse than what I had tried before. When I started inking up the plate and the lines at the back of the plate disappeared, I felt a spark. The spark that every artist feels when they realise that they might be onto something.
I was so reluctant to work into the plate after seeing the ink on the masking tape, my gut instinct was saying to print it as it is. I was still reluctant because I had never heard of anyone doing what I was about to . I also had a certain individual (who prefers not to be named) telling me to go ahead and do what felt right. I took the risk and placed my plate onto the printing press. After I rolled it through the press, it was the moment of truth.
I couldn't believe my eyes when I peeled the print from press. I found it, my method, my own way of working! I found the spark of inspiration I'd been needing for so long! I had that moment, that feeling of euphoria almost every artist knows when they've found their way.
Ever since that day, I've been making better art than I knew I was capable of, better than I thought I could ever achieve. Since that day I've been throwing myself into the process more than I have ever done before, I've been throwing myself into my art like I won't be around tomorrow. And do you know what? I've never felt better! I've had to drag myself away from anything art related so that I could get my assignments and studying done. Thanks to printmaking, and a friend who will probably never realise how much they helped me by telling me to just go for it, I have a feeling that this is just the beginning of my life as an artist.
Until we meet again
Talia
