Fight Not Flight

FEAR. The stomach-sinking, heart-pounding, hand-shaking feeling that strikes everyone at least once in their lifetime. Fear doesn't necessarily have to be a phobia, and it doesn't always have to be something you can predict in advance. Sometimes fear strikes you on the spot in the heat of the moment.

Other than phobias and common little fears that most people experience every now and again. Today was the first time I had experienced the real fear of losing someone incredibly close to me. I've never experienced emotions like what I've experienced today. If you've watched Inside Out, you would know that the personified emotions of fear and sadness were separated. Today I felt like I had an insane mixture of the two that happened to be on some crazy steroids.

I won't share the whole story of how these emotions came about. But when I thought that I had lost that person forever, and not even by my own choice, I panicked. I had never felt emotions like this before, I had no idea how to react or how to get myself back together. I felt like a massive explosion of bottled up emotions had imploded through my veins. I felt like my blood had actually run cold, somehow icily still pumping through my heart into the rest of my body. I was defeated. More defeated than I can ever remember before. I pray that none of you have to go through that feeling, because it truly is a wretched experience to endure.

But.

All was not lost.

In some far corner of my petrified heart, a spark of adrenaline made my brain override the emotions and fight. If you've ever met me, you would know that I'm not a fighter. But dammit I fought today. I was not enduring this pain that was inflicted upon me. I fought and choked back those stifling tears. And I didn't become a victim of the battle. By some miracle I got the person I care about so dearly back. I don't know how this day turned around like it did. I still feel like I was in the battle of the century. But I survived. And more importantly than surviving, I managed to get my incredibly special person back.

I'll be damned if I get that close to losing you again.

Dear readers, don't EVER let it get this close. Don't neglect someone to the point that you can't get them back. Never take the people around you for granted, because I promise you you don't want to know what the world would be like without them. Love them like both of you could be gone tomorrow and there's no chance to show them you love them again.

Until we meet again
Talia