Some Passion a Day to Keep the Blues at Bay

Hello again dear readers. So I've decided to get back to posting on a weekend again seeing as I have more time to play around with thoughts and ideas and it is easier to be a bit more consistent in posting times. So let's get started then!

So something that has been in the back of my mind since an argument had with my significant other was the idea of passion. And how I have tons of it in some ways and really not enough in other ways. And I guess you could say I was startled (to say the least), that it was thought that I throw so much passion into my artwork and very little into anything else. I liked to think that I was passionate about the things that matter to me, and not just art. 

So what is passion exactly?

Urban Dictionary : Passion is when you put more energy into something than is required to do it. It is more than just enthusiasm or excitement, passion is ambition that is materialized into action to put as much heart, mind body and soul into something as is possible.

That's a pretty good definition of it. Putting in a lot more effort than what is "required". So this is actually quite easy to measure with school and university and anything that distinctly measures your level of effort. For example, if 50% is the required mark to pass, but you want to put your all into it and you get 80%, then you technically put in 30% more effort than what is necessary. Now life is not that easy to measure, and no one is giving you that much feedback that is so easy to decipher.

I know that for me, being passionate about my career and art work isn't exactly difficult, it's second nature to me to do the best possible job I can, But I haven't ever put the equivalent amount of effort into anything else, just the thought of putting that much effort in exhausts me. 

But the thing is that great results only come from hard work and passion. Nothing good has ever been achieved without a ton of extra effort and dedication, and ultimately love. I have been trying to apply a passionate and dedicated attitude to my life as a whole rather than just through art. Making time for the people that matter, and making time for the other aspects of life, such as reading, spending time relaxing and also making memories with the people you care about.

I've found, like with anything else really, that making goals is a good way to help be consistently and consciously more passionate in all the areas of your life. For example, making sure you stop your busy work schedule to have tea when your special person gets home from work. Taking the time to say "I love you" like its the only chance you'll have to say it again.

Passion is a consistent job, but the benefits I think will be so worth it.

Until we meet again 

Talia

Sweet '16

Wow.

2015 has come and gone in the blink of an eye and here we are, fresh (well a little bit stale now) in 2016. A few days ago, I felt a feeling within me that I don't think I have quite experienced before. I could best describe it as a feeling of ambling along, you know, letting life just happen to you instead of making things happen in your life.

I guess you could say I've been feeling like this since last year, when my passion for art wasn't take as much of a part in my life as I would have liked. A lot of emotional and personal issues also made it more difficult to feel stable in my own life and a lot went downhill for me. But I remember reading a saying recently, something along the lines of when your life seems to be falling apart, in reality its all the pieces falling into place.

I'll say that since last year I have learnt a lot about myself. Mostly negatives I had chosen to ignore, but also strengths that I didn't know I had. I've learnt to balance people in my life, and that a life filled with only yourself and work is indeed a lonely life. I've also learnt that without my passion for art to guide me, I am nothing. A nobody with nothing to show. SO this year is the year I WILL make the change for myself.

I am done taking orders from lecturers at art school telling me how my art should look.

I am done trying to be something I am not.

I am my own artist and I will damn well make the art I like and want to make. Maybe if I stop caring so much about what other people want me to make, then at least I will be proud of everything I have made. And hopefully make this year a far more fruitful and encouraging year than 2015.

Goodbye Awkward 2015.
Hello Sweet '16.

Until we meet again
Talia

P.S. I have uploaded a photo of my latest work onto the Art and Other Creative Items page.

Growing Pains

It has been more than two weeks sans me posting, I must apologise dear readers. There has been so much going on lately that a blog post has been the last thing I've been able to accomplish. But anyhow... Here I am! I've just updated my Art & Other Creative Items Page to include some of the new paintings I've been making for class.

So today, dear readers, I am here to share some of my feelings on Growing Up. Yes. That huge scary term that seems to be tethered and loaded with responsibility... And that's because it really is. But growing up isn't a bad thing. It means... well it means more freedom. The thing about growing up is that it's not just about doing responsible things (like making your bed and doing the dishes), it's also about YOU. You can't grow up if you're not prepared to try.

Growing up and becoming a fully functional adult isn't exactly easy. It's about noticing all the little things you take for granted, about being able to fend for yourself rather than relying on someone else doing it for you. And most of the time you don't even realise how much you rely on other people. Whether it's booking a doctor's appointment, saving money, or knowing what to do in a medical emergency, these are all things we NEED to know how to do.

Thankfully we are now in an age were our family isn't the only source of information on how to grow up. There is a plethora of information online to give advice and guidance, but as the all knowing "They" say, "experience is the best teacher". The great thing is that no one says you can't have it both ways. You can use experience to put your skills to the test, but you can get advice and help first to make the process easier.

When I look back over the last few years, I can see how I've allowed myself to grow as an artist. It's about embracing change, not becoming stagnant in a comfort zone and being willing to push yourself. Now I see that everyday life is not all that different. If I am tired of something in my life, I have the power to change it. And so does every other person out there, Now that I've learnt the art of growing as an artist, it's time to adapt that skill to life. It will be difficult. But it will be worth it.

Until we meet again
Talia

Fight Not Flight

FEAR. The stomach-sinking, heart-pounding, hand-shaking feeling that strikes everyone at least once in their lifetime. Fear doesn't necessarily have to be a phobia, and it doesn't always have to be something you can predict in advance. Sometimes fear strikes you on the spot in the heat of the moment.

Other than phobias and common little fears that most people experience every now and again. Today was the first time I had experienced the real fear of losing someone incredibly close to me. I've never experienced emotions like what I've experienced today. If you've watched Inside Out, you would know that the personified emotions of fear and sadness were separated. Today I felt like I had an insane mixture of the two that happened to be on some crazy steroids.

I won't share the whole story of how these emotions came about. But when I thought that I had lost that person forever, and not even by my own choice, I panicked. I had never felt emotions like this before, I had no idea how to react or how to get myself back together. I felt like a massive explosion of bottled up emotions had imploded through my veins. I felt like my blood had actually run cold, somehow icily still pumping through my heart into the rest of my body. I was defeated. More defeated than I can ever remember before. I pray that none of you have to go through that feeling, because it truly is a wretched experience to endure.

But.

All was not lost.

In some far corner of my petrified heart, a spark of adrenaline made my brain override the emotions and fight. If you've ever met me, you would know that I'm not a fighter. But dammit I fought today. I was not enduring this pain that was inflicted upon me. I fought and choked back those stifling tears. And I didn't become a victim of the battle. By some miracle I got the person I care about so dearly back. I don't know how this day turned around like it did. I still feel like I was in the battle of the century. But I survived. And more importantly than surviving, I managed to get my incredibly special person back.

I'll be damned if I get that close to losing you again.

Dear readers, don't EVER let it get this close. Don't neglect someone to the point that you can't get them back. Never take the people around you for granted, because I promise you you don't want to know what the world would be like without them. Love them like both of you could be gone tomorrow and there's no chance to show them you love them again.

Until we meet again
Talia  

May The Force Be With You

Strength. It's a funny word. It can mean so many different things, it can be interpreted in so many different ways. To some it can mean brute strength, as in being able to punch and kick and shift the world around you. To others it can mean not falling apart when things go wrong. It can mean defying reality during a crisis or being able to hold your ground. To me strength has a pretty simple, but also quite a flexible meaning:

STRENGTH (unclassifiable into a single category)

 A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH, BOTH INTERNALLY AND EXTERNALLY

 During my life I've felt weak, and I've felt strong. What I've noticed is that strength manifests itself in different ways each time, and it very seldom shows itself in the same way twice. Strength for me is something internal, something that kicks in when most needed and marks a point of change in my life. I never feel the same once that inner force has shown itself.

I'm currently at an in-between phase in my life, quite far away from the last point I found my inner strength but haven't reached the next point just yet. I feel like a point is approaching where I need to be stronger than I have ever been before, for not only me but also for my future. For now all I can do is train myself and prepare myself... and perhaps just wait.

Until I reach that point again, there are of course a million things to get done.

Until we meet again
Talia

Tomorrowland

My friends in my art classes introduced me to the concept of an "Existential Crisis". I had never heard of such a thing until I got to university, nor had I experienced much of it in my life. In a nutshell, this is how Urban Dictionaries defines an existential crisis:

Existential Crisis

A deep, obsessive concern with unanswered questions about the meaning of life and existence, resulting in the disruption of one's daily life and characterised by long or short-lasting bouts of apathy and depression.

"Dude, what's up with Steve?" 
"He's been reading a lot of Nietzsche and watching How the Universe Works on the Discovery Channel, now he's having an existential crisis."

Well, that sums it up quite well. For me I have existential crisis' based on time... or more specifically, the lack of it. I remember reading a quote once that went something along the lines of "In every moment we are living we are also dying"... Yes it can sound quite depressing, but honestly, shouldn't it also be good motivation to try and make every day a good day? Most people on the planet nowadays are born and bred procrastinators. We live in a world where tomorrow is always a given to us... But there are only so many tomorrows left, if any exist in the first place. 

I know it seems like an odd thing to think about, but books remind me of time passing. Every time I walk into a library or a book store, I think to myself how many books I would love to read... And in the same train of thought I realise that there will never be enough time to read all of them... I could spend my entire lifetime reading and I would never be able to get through enough books. The funny thing about life is that almost everything is like that. Art. Books. Films. Love. People. 

But not all is lost.

All you have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to you.

You can spend your whole life sulking about all the things you can't do, or you can just jump straight into the deep end and start doing things. The choice is yours.

Until we meet again dear readers

Talia

P.S I finished watching all of the Lord of the Rings movies this week, so unreferenced quotes are here duly given credit to! 

That Confusing Question

"Is being consistently inconsistent the same as being inconsistently consistent?" Chances are your brain just froze a little bit trying to decipher that question. Mine does the same thing even though I've thought about this question more than once. Whilst you're probably picking your brain trying to figure it out... I thought I'd pick my brain a bit on consistency and persistence.

Throughout my life, the one thing I've always been consistently good at is throwing myself into my art and putting in so much effort that what was required. I was so consistent at it that I made it a habit for myself. And last year when I was going through an especially rough phase in my life, my work and my art became my reason for existence for several months. Metaphorically my art became my significant other.

This is a good strategy when you're going through a rough time and feeling quite alone in the world. But for me, I suffered for a while and then the suffering stopped. I picked myself up and started living life again. I found someone I could actually talk to and touch and be held when I was feeling upset. Someone who makes me feel special, and someone who I can care about. I remember for a while when I was single I would actually miss caring for someone, but then I would distract myself by drawing and painting.

Now I have realised a flaw in my past strategy for beating loneliness through art. When you apply consistency to only one area of your life, and you apply a lot of it, chances are the consistency everywhere else in your life diminishes. There's the flaw you don't really see until other people point it out to you, and I realise that I have been a guilty party for quite a while. I guess you could say I'm both consistently inconsistent and inconsistently consistent in many other aspects of my life.

As various self-help books will probably tell you, admitting you have a problem is the first step to fixing it. Now my goal is to be consistently consistent in every other area of my life. I think posting once a week every week on this blog is a good motivation to be consistent.

Until we meet again dear readers
Talia
P.S. Being consistently inconsistent isn't the same as inconstantly consistent, just in case you were wondering. It took me an hour to figure it out, but I have an answer now at least!

Wanted

Is it a crime to want more than you already have? Is it wrong to want more, constantly?

The truth is, dear readers, I have no idea what the correct answer to that is... but I think that if your heart is in the right place, and maybe your mind too, wanting more can't be such a bad thing. I'm one of those people that has learnt to accept what is given, more by habit than by any particular rule or bad experience. I guess it's just something that has become a part of me over time. And I haven't really questioned that aspect of myself... until recently.

I've realised over the last few weeks that wanting more isn't a bad thing at all... It all depends on what that "more" means. If you're a billionaire and you want even more money, that's probably a bad thing. If you hypothetically control the entire world and then you want to control the Martians (if they exist)... then might be a problem.

But what if your heart wants more? There is already enough hatred in this cruel world of ours, so much pain and suffering that we've actually become numb to because we've learnt to not see it. I can't believe that there was ever a doubt in my mind that wanting care and love someone more could ever be a bad thing... I guess I just needed a hypothetical slap in the face to be reminded that caring more could never be a bad thing... Even if everyone is not that appreciative or reciprocating.

Just this little (or not so little) change in perspective has kinda changed my way of seeing the world... which admittedly hasn't been that great recently. But that's okay, sometimes you need a lot of rain to appreciate the sunshine again (or vice-versa for all you pluviophiles). I can actually feel my heart getting bigger and more loving everyday, now this introvert just has to work on showing it to the people that matter.

Keep those hearts going for the people you care about dear readers.

Until we meet again
Talia

P.S. If anyone happens to be a charitable billionaire this art student is always happy to get more art supplies too!

The Moon Among the Stars

What a week it has been... Good thing I'm not afraid of falling, because let's just say it was one crazy roller coaster ride! Now anyone who has ever met me will know that I run mostly on logic with occasional doses of emotion... But this week, I've realised that emotions force you to face things your mind has built walls to keep out.

It has been a crazy week, There is no doubt about that. For the first time in a long time, I was able to see a little bit of the future... A future that depended greatly on the decisions I had to make this week. The truth is this, ignoring a decision doesn't make it go away, it just makes it worse. Eventually we're all forced to make a decision when cornered, and the Fight or Flight instinct kicks in.

For a long time, flight had most often been my decision. Because, well, it was easier to start again. After this week, I can say quite happily that now I've grown into fighting for what is right and what in the very core of my heart I know what is worth fighting for. I read a saying once...

"Never ignore a person who loves you, cares for you, and misses you. Because one day you might wake up from your sleep and realise that you lost the moon whilst counting the stars."

 I found it quite odd that this was the saying that came to mind this week, because I've been feeling incredibly inspired by the night sky as of late... I can quite happily say now that I don't think I will ever lose sight of the moon again. 

One thing any artist will be able to tell you is that emotional outbursts often make for fantastic artistic inspiration... I can tell you this. Positive emotions sometimes fuel more passionate works because you find inspiration in good mental energy. When work is fuelled by anger and frustration, the art becomes a form of escapism. When work is fuelled by passion and positivity, it becomes a reflection of the way you see things.

Here is some of the work fuelled by the night sky:

Lunar Lineup
Ink on Moleskine
9cm x 14cm
2015

Stardust (Work in Progress)

Although I have the infinite night sky as inspiration, I think I've found a little piece of the universe to call my own personal source of inspiration.

Until we meet again

Talia